I Said, I Am Not A Dwarf
by Elenhin
Summary: This is a sort of follow up to the storey "Like Two Peas In A Pod by TheShipOfTheDreams" She wrote the original story that gave me this idea. Anders firmly claims he was not the actor in the Hobbit movie, and yet his mind strays in that direction. One Shot.


**Author's Note:**This is a one shot from the Almighty Johnsons. It is also a follow up story of sorts of another story. Like Two Peas In A Pod by TheShipOfTheDreams to be precise. She wrote the original story, and after having read it, this idea came to me. This is posted with her kind permission.

**Warning**: _The warning is placed here for vinsmouse, who wanted a spew warning here, claiming it might be a bad idea to drink while reading the funnier parts. So please keep in mind that drinking any kind of beverage while reading this, might be hazzard'ous to the health of your screen._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Almighty Johnsons, nor any other stray Norse Gods found in said show. Anders assures me that in spite of popular belief he is not a dwarf, though my three inch high Fili and Kili does not quite appear to agree with him. Anders is also under protection of Kili and no permanent harm will come to him in my fanfic stories.

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**I Said, I Am Not A Dwarf**

_The Dwarves rode on through the forest, Gandalf and Thorin as the leaders in front while the others were stretched out between them. The Hobbit rode behind Bofur, considering that to be a safe spot. Behind him Kili and Fili rode and the two of them could be a menace if you got too close. _

_Then they heard a mighty roar, a growling snarl and suddenly the forest around the were swarming with wargs and orcs. Kili pulled his bow from his back, notching an arrow and releasing it right past his brother's face. Fili pulled back, drawing his sword, then he kicked his heels into the sides of his pony and charged forward. Having no bow he could only fight if he was close to the enemy and close he intended to be. _

_He kept an eye on Kili the best that he could, but trusted Bofur to keep him safe. Most of the Dwarves had sense enough to keep together and form a line of defence. One Fili had left because he wanted to give Kili the space he needed for his bow, and make sure no warg or orc got close enough to put him in any real danger. _

_Ori was behind his brother Nori, using his slingshot. It might not kill the wargs, but it certainly distracted them and sometimes left them dazed enough to give Fili an easy kill. _

_Bilbo wasn't quite sure what to do, but he drew his small blade and tried to keep ready. _

_Fili's pony took a swipe of claws over his haunch and reared up, throwing him to the ground. He lost his hold of one of his swords and scrambled to his feet, clutching the other. _

"_Fili!" he looked up as he heard his brother's shout, Kili had drawn his own sword and threw it towards him. _

_Fili caught it, and with it in his hand continued to fight. His own swords were perfectly balanced to match each other, but he could manage Kili's just as well, having practiced with it many times. You never knew when you would have to make do, so a smart Dwarf made sure he could. _

_The ground was strewn with orc bodies and wet with blood, some perhaps not quite so dead as he found out as he passed to close to one. An arm thrust upwards with a knife, digging the blade into his thigh. _

Dawn smiled to herself as she returned to the office, having gone out for lunch. Anders had remained behind, claiming he only wanted to finish up before he had lunch himself but she was willing to bet he'd never made it that far.

Anders could be a prick, a jerk, and a lot of other derogatory things. He quite often made her wonder why she put up with him, and how it could possibly be worth it, then there were other times when she considered it most rewarding to work for him. He was selfish and arrogant, but he was also an understanding and compassionate boss when he wanted to. She'd come to see that to a certain extent his annoying attitude and selfish style was a wall of defence that he had built around himself for protection. As long as he kept it in place, he thought he could not get hurt.

Then on rare occasion he would let it slip and she'd see through to a glimmer of the real Anders, and she liked what she saw. It made it worth putting up with the arrogant jerk, at least most of the time. There was another thing, she was a woman with a strong will, sure in herself and a lot of people considered that to be a threat, Anders did not. He encouraged what others had sought to repress before.

Even so there were times when she wanted to strangle him when he came in late, when he neglected his work and she had to pick up the slack.

Now was however not one of those times. He had been working late for several days and she knew it. Only leaving the office to go home and sleep, then back early to start again. A slightly unusual level of commitment from Anders, but she had seen it once or twice before.

She couldn't tell if he had finished or not, but he most definitely 'was' finished. Stretched out on the couch, deep asleep and mumbling softly to himself as he sometimes moved.

She walked in quietly so she wouldn't wake him. Had it been because he had been out late drinking and picking up women, she would have taken as great care to wake him as she was to avoid it now. He had worked hard and deserved a little rest.

Still, she found herself listening to him, she had never known him to talk in his sleep before, but now he was, even though what he was saying made no sense.

He was babbling something about orcs, and she frowned, especially when he complained about dropping his sword. Then she remembered what had occurred the other day. Axl had been channel surfing and stumbled across the new movie 'the Hobbit' and the likeness between the Dwarf Fili and Anders had amazed them all, and annoyed Anders…

Apparently their insistence that it had to be him, and that he had been acting in the movie without telling them was still on his mind and caused him to dream about the movie.

Also, the fact that he was commonly referred to as 'dwarf' because he was the shortest of the brothers might have something to do with it.

He almost woke as his leg cramped and she bit back a chuckle as she heard him mutter about 'not dead orcs and daggers'. Apparently the fight he was involved in wasn't going to well for him.

The door to the office entered and Axl came in, so Dawn grinned at him and put a finger to her lips.

"Be quiet, he's sleeping," she urged.

"Should I care?" he grinned, not sure if that was enough of a reason to be nice to him.

"Yes, he's dreaming about the Hobbit movie and talking in his sleep," she smiled. "And I for one want to know how it ends."

_Dropping to one knee Fili dealt a mighty blow with his sword, taking the orcs head off._

"He's dead now, ew, orc blood is disgusting," Anders mumbled and Axl had to bite back a laugh. He hauled out his phone, quickly flicking through the features. Anders had ticked off Mike good just the other day, he would love some ammunition he could use to get back at him.

Before Mike had complained about the fancy video call option that Axl had, but now he would be glad for it as Axl held the phone up, effectively letting Mike see as his younger brother attempting to fight off a warg in his sleep.

The snorts, chuckles and laughs that came over the phone were a good indication of just what Mike would be doing with the material.

_Wiping the blood from his swords Fili gave the borrowed blade back to Kili and started looking for his pony. The creature had bolted in fright and got tangled in some thorn bushes that made it very difficult to get him out. His clothes and hair tangled and the thorns scratched deep. _

When Ty pushed the door open both Dawn and Axl hushed him as Anders muttered about thorn bushes and ponies. He kept swatting his hands in front of him as if trying to keep something away, or freeing himself from something.

"What is he doing?" Ty demanded to know, noting Mike on the other end of Axl's video call. Whatever it was had to be good or Axl might not have been so eager to risk Anders' ire directly.

"Dreaming," Dawn leaned closer as Ty slipped an arm around her shoulders. "And sleep talking, it's really cute."

"He's dreaming he's a dwarf," Axl clarified.

"He is a dwarf," Ty grinned as he held out a hand, about waist height from the floor.

"No, no," Axl shook his head. "He's dreaming that he's one of the dwarves from the Hobbit movie, you know the one with the actor that looks exactly like him. He's dreaming about it now, and this is great."

_Glad to find his brother safe Fili pulled him close with an arm around his shoulders, ruffling his hair with a grin. Though he felt suddenly ill at ease. The other dwarves were laughing at him, he could hear them clearly, but he couldn't understand why. It didn't make sense, but they were laughing and sniggering and he turned to look at them._

"Quit laughing Bofur," Anders mumbled, shifting more as he stirred slightly and the quiet sniggers in the room broke out into loud laughter they could not hope to supress.

Anders stirred again, his eyes unfocused at first slowly steadied and took in everyone watching him. Axl had quickly thrust his phone behind his back and now shut off the call. Mike would understand, Ty might be there to protect him, but he'd rather Anders didn't know what he had done. At least not before Mike was there as well, then they would both be able to keep him safe, and once Anders found out it had not only been a video call to their older brother, but a recorded video call he would need all the protection he could get.

"What's going on? Someone 's having a party and didn't tell me?" Anders mumbled as he rubbed at his eyes, slowly pushing himself up to sitting. He had finished what he had to do, and decided that he needed a nap more than he needed food. He had thought Dawn would wake him when she got back and hadn't thought about it, he hadn't expected to find the larger share of his siblings there.

"You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you," Dawn shrugged.

"I came to ask if you wanted to watch the Hobbit with me tonight," Axl couldn't help himself. Ty would probably be enough for protection if he needed it.

"That crap you were talking about before, forget it," Anders focused on Ty. "What are you doing here? Looking for a refrigerator to fix?"

"No, came to take Dawn out, I knew you'd be using her and making her work overtime," he grinned. Dawn had told him that she was working overtime before, so he had been mad and claimed that Anders was using her, though she claimed he was working even harder himself. He hadn't believed it before now, and given what he had also seen he found he couldn't be mad anymore either. Anders was for most parts a bastard that you just wanted to punch, but then he had his moments and he could be the most amusing and adorable person.

Grinning he reached forward and ruffled his hair, Anders jerking back and glaring at him as he quickly reached up a hand to fix the damage done.

"Well, take her and get out of here," he glowered.

"You sure?" she had worked overtime, but the workday was not officially over and Dawn wanted to make sure.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Worth it to get rid of that bastard," he nodded to Ty. "Besides, we're done, if you get out, I can knock off too."

"Thanks," she grinned as she fetched her purse and jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Anders just waved his hand vaguely in her direction, to preoccupied with Axl and wondering why he continued trying to suppress sniggers. He wasn't very good at it. "Axl…" his voice was soft with a soft melodic quality to it. Not many could resist it, Axl knew it was how Anders always got what he wanted, but still, his will to survive was stronger. He thrust the phone back into his pocket and forced himself to stop grinning.

"I'm bored, I wanted something to do, you're a jerk, but well…" The familiar insult put Anders at ease and Axl decided he had to be exhausted or he would never have given up so easily. He usually knew when he was being lied to. On the other hand, the reason he showed up was that he really had been bored. Anders could be a jerk, and sometimes Axl thought he could almost hate him but not really. Not when he knew more about what he had gone through and why he was such an arrogant bastard.

"Alright, I won't get anything more done here today anyway," he sighed. "Fine, I'll play along and be a good big brother."

"You're a shitty big brother," Axl grinned.

"Hey, shitty big brothers are the best big brothers," Anders grabbed him by the scruff of his neck in a rare gesture of genuine affection. "They let you do all the good stuff that good big brothers do not." An annoying whisper in the back of his hand remembered two brothers who were more openly affectionate with each other, and an even more annoying whisper dared to suggested that he enjoyed that. Still, Axl grinned, giggling again as Anders pretended to rough him up, then pulled him close for a split second.

With anyone else it would have been just a meaningless gesture, but when Anders did it Axl found himself responding to it. He laughed and slung an arm around his shoulders, which he could do easily, and which Anders hated more than anything else. He hated getting his nose rubbed into the fact that he was shorter, which of course was why Axl loved to do it.

"Want to grab a beer then?" Axl suggested.

"Sure, we can pick up some Chinese on the way," Anders shrugged. A meal was what he needed, and beer. A quick pick me up and then he'd be ready for a more entertaining evening. He'd even be willing to let Axl tag along, and might even stretch so far as to help him get a girl.

Perhaps just once in a while it was possible for a shitty big brother to be a good big brother. That annoying Dwarf like voice in the back of his head that had been there ever since he woke from his nap seemed to think so…

_**The End **_

_Thanks to TheShipOfTheDreams__ who kindly let me play around with this idea and make it a follow up to her story. _


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